Football and Rainbows: Have had a VERY hard week.

   This past week has been a blur. I honestly can't believe that it has only been a week since the heartache started. At about 10:15 on the 15th I was told to wake up and start praying because the paramedics were at my cousin Brandon's house trying to revive his 7 week old son Uriah. Uriah had been found in his bed lifeless and with vomit in his mouth. He had apparently vomited and then aspirated in his sleep. He was rushed to the hospital where he was worked on for about 30 more minutes, but sadly they were not able to revive him. We were on our way to the hospital when got the call that he had passed away. I have never felt such pain. My beautiful little cousin that I had just seen on the 4th of July was gone from this world. When we got to the hospital I went into the room where little Uriah was and to see him laying on that big bed was so heartbreaking. I grabbed on to my cousin Brandon and hugged him as hard as I could while we both cried. Then I went to my cousin Britni, Uriah's aunt, and held her while she sobbed and sobbed. It was like a bad dream and I could not wake up. The nurses said we could hold him and my cousin Brandon was the first to hold him. The pain in his face was horrible. I have never seen such pain. He was so happy to have his little boy and now he is in Heaven. I held little Uriah and I kissed and loved on him. I told him that we all miss him very much and we all love him so much. I told him that I wish he would just start breathing because we needed him to be with us. But he would not breathe. I begged him to.

   Planning the memorial for little Uriah was so hard. They chose to cremate him because my cousin and his wife want to have necklaces made that hold his ashes. I did all the pictures for the memorial. I stayed really strong all week, but when I was alone in my room with all the pics that I was putting in frames, I finally let myself really cry. The memorial was beautiful. The preacher was amazing and the 3 songs they played were perfect. They played Watching You by Rodney Atkins, Sit With You Awhile by Mercy Me, and Heaven Got Another Angel by Gordon True. During the last song they played a slideshow that my cousin Curtis made. The slideshow totally broke me...it was so heartbreaking.

   Ashton is at his dad's for the month of July so I have not told him yet. I just can't tell him that his baby cousin that he loves so much is in Heaven, while he is gone. He is going to need to be held and be able to grieve and he will need me. I am not looking forward to telling him. He has had 2 great-grandmothers pass away, and he understood that they were older and they were sick. I don't think he is going to understand why a baby died. The last thing that Ashton told my cousin Brandon before he left for the month was that he loved him and he couldn't wait to come see little Uriah when he got home. I know I am going to just tell him the truth but OMG it is going to be so very hard.

Here are a few pics of my beautiful cousin Uriah Brandon Underwood.